to destroy your peace of mind!
Buckle up. I’m about to tell you a little story called ” I Never Seriously Saw This One Coming” in two parts.
PART ONE A: The Backstory.
Once upon a time, there was a woman named ELLLE ( It’s Meeeeee) who’d grown up with two toxic people.
The toxicity and abuse was a mixture of every day “soft” cruelty and major traumatic events. There was an under current of fear, unease and general ick in the day to day and Ellle made a promise to herself to detach herself from her parents as soon as she could. Ellle had a beautiful Baby in her late teens and thought to herself ” Aha! This is my ticket away from these awful people!”
But Ellle’s mother fell in love with the Boy, and turned on the charm. It was a LOVE BOMBING and because Ellle was so young and needed support, because she’d grown up in such a fucked up environment ,she thought maybe she’d just imagined the years of abuse and trauma. She’d just discovered that parenting was really hard and she’d already made mistakes. She’d want to be forgiven for her mistakes so she forgave her parents for their mistakes and life was pretty good. Ellle’s mother was busy being enamored with the BABY and Ellle’s father having grown old and seemingly feeble, lived his life in a chair, filing metal things and plotting his own escape.
Things were good for a number of years until the new on the Baby wore off. Soon, Ellle’s mother was back to her old tricks but this time, with the help of a wise friend, Ellle saw these tricks for what they were. She started to set boundaries and when a boundary was crossed, Ellle went No Contact and lost her entire family in the fall out. Ellle’s mother was reeeeally good at playing the victim and play it she did! She retaliated by stalking Ellle, trying to cause trouble with the school district and sending her letters through a LAWYER, threatening to sue her for visits with her grandchildren.
Ellle held firm and eventually the woman who birthed her gave up and left her alone.
It’s been about 17 years and Ellle regrets nothing. It was the right choice ❤
Part One B: The FIRST Big Surprise
Alright. You remember that I was waiting for some papers from the government? They came!
My dad’s death certificate arrived first, which pleased me greatly! Now I can obtain his birth documents and catch a lead toward the rest of my ancestors. I’ve searched and searched with the names my parents gave me but haven’t been able to come up with a damn thing, so I was thinking I heard wrong. Maybe.
Days later the photocopy of my birth registration arrived. This is the official, registered photocopy of the form my parent filled out when I was born.
I was expecting to see one of four names: 1. The last name I grew up under. (The one I suspected was borrowed from my mother’s family.) 2. Sutherland. The name both my parents told me was my dad’s step father’s name that he’d taken as a child. 3. Sinclair. My dad’s mother’s maiden name. 4. Gauthier. My dad’s biological father’s last name.
Ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Can you guess what name was on my birth registration?
NONE OF THE ABOVE.
I was born under an entirely different last name.
It’s a name so out of left field, that when I saw it, I shrieked. I’ve neeeeeever heard it! It was never mentioned in my household and it was NEVER brought up when I asked my parents about our people. Never. Ever. Ever.
I was stunned. And then I got curious. So I went searching with these question in mind:
Who the hell am I? What else is a lie?! Why lie in the first place? What are they hiding?
Well. I found out. Oh my, did I ever find out!
And you will too, in Part Two, coming up shortly.